How can I tell when something’s over?
How can I tell it’s run its course?
When I feel that something has shifted
Do I pull back too
And follow his lead?
Or do you hang on and wait?
When does the broken heart happen?
Should I ever let it show?
Or pretend I feel the same
While I cry alone in silence
Vowing never to make the same mistake
To get too close
To trust and believe
In someone
Who isn’t worth it
Who doesn’t deserve it.
©2024 Suzette Seveny
I lose myself sometimes
And forget where I’m going,
Or where to focus my energy.
I feel depleted
As if I’m not
Doing enough
Giving enough.
Or working towards my “end goal”.
Today I woke up and realized
My priorities have changed
And suddenly…
I was enough
I AM enough.
The rest will come
When I am ready.
For now
I have what I need;
My friends
My family
My purpose.
For now
I AM enough.
I remember when I was a child,
being envious of my friends,
who would run home and tell Mom
about their day;
slamming the screen door
and the noise interrupting
the spring sound of awak’ning.
Standing in a warm kitchen,
apple pie baking and she,
with a whiff of flour on her cheek,
radiant with smile
as she listened to the story of the home run
that almost was.
Seeing me standing there on the breadth,
she flashed that smile of understanding,
and scolded us both for running so hard in the heat.
Then she sat us down
at a white pine tree kitchen table
to a treat of ice-cold milk and cake.
She, silently singing to herself,
today’s a treat to tomorrow’s desserts.
I knew she understood how I felt;
a small child so alone,
and she, another one’s mom,
with enough love left over
to treat me as her own.
Thanks Mom.
I remember often my foster home,
I being fortunate in my time.
Time sometimes spent searching
for another one’s love – you see,
I don’t have those childhood memories of a mother,
Mine left for the other side of the tree.
I only remember her
as seen in other kids’ eyes,
and I realize –
that mothers the world over,
are really all the same.
they love all children,
somehow never forgetting a child’s name, so –
thank you Mom,
every Mom,
everywhere.
Lord, please don’t let me love again
I’ve done it much too often;
each time I end up with a pain
that words can never soften.
The last time really shattered me;
I’m not quite recovered yet.
Perhaps a hundred years or two
will help me to forget.
So please dear Lord because so much
has happened to me before,
don’t let me fall in love again.
Well… maybe just once more.
Every afternoon, I sit and sweat
while my breathing becomes heavy
and my vision is misty
and I tell myself
So this is what hell feels like
I’m not too old
Just Old enough to remember
Never NEEDING
air conditioning
when It was only for the rich
and privileged and now
it’s only for those
who want to live
and breathe
We die in winter without heat
We die in summer without cooling
The A/C even died in heaven
the clouds slowly disappeared
Everything around is slowly dying
Burning up
And we need cooling to live
It sucks being this old
‘Cause I’m old enough to remember.
It’s lonely when I’m alone
and it’s hard to be alone;
it makes me crazy
and I start spinning
out of control.
It’s hard.
But it’s hard to not be alone,
to be with somebody;
it makes me crazy
and I start spinning
out of control.
It’s hard.
So if you ask me
is it you or me,
it’s probably not you;
I think it’s me.
It’s hard to be me.
Every time you hurt me with your words,
I wrote an email
telling you
how your words made me feel
but I never sent it.
Every time you put me down,
mocked me, belittled me,
or insulted me,
I wrote an email
telling you
what an asshole you are
but I never sent it.
Every time you pushed me away,
I wrote an email
pointing out
why you’re alone
and lonely,
but I never sent it.
Today I looked
at my saved but unsent emails.
Today I saw
a pattern of behaviour
that I could not accept,
because I am worth more,
much more than that.
Today I deleted
those unsent emails.
Today I realized
you aren’t worth it.
Today I finally understood
you never were.
They asked if I was depressed
and I told them the truth;
of course I am –
how could I not be.
Humans are social creatures
and I am a human,
therefore I am a social creature,
and now I’m forced to live my life
In front of these monitors.
I can only see other people and places;
I cannot touch,
I cannot feel,
I cannot taste
or smell.
This is not living.
A robot in my chair
would be more productive –
and it would never get depressed.
Of course I am depressed I said;
how can I be otherwise?
The truth will set me free, they said
and then they told me a bunch of lies.
They said I wasn’t pretty enough,
thin enough,
old enough,
or smart enough;
educated enough,
or rich enough.
I wasn’t connected enough
or young enough,
that I’d never amount to anything,
that I’d gone as far as I could go
for far too long.
And I believed them.
But then I looked in the mirror
and saw all my strengths,
my insights,
and wisdom.
I saw my determination
and perseverance,
my dedication
and compassion,
and I realized they were right;
the truth had set me free.
When I put on my glasses today
I could barely see through the lenses;
So speckled were they with the stains
Of last night’s tears.
I wish I didn’t cry so much;
But there’s just so much to cry about.
I wish the world would stop giving me
So many things to cry about.
I wish everyone could see the world
As clearly as I can
After I clean the stains
Off my glasses.